Minor Hockey Talks - Hockey Forum

We have a non parent coach. He's quite anti social with parents but seems good with the kids. It's a 2012 team and my son is a NRP goalie.

I'm a little upset lately. Pre season, the coach said my son would play against his old team from which he was cut. Yesterday he didn't play against them. It is was the other goalie's second straight start and 5th of the last 7. I'd say the two goalies are pretty comparable skill wise and they've been alternating all season for the most part. Although my son has played more because the other goalie had a few illnesses. So maybe that's why the other goalie is playing more lately?? I don't know.

I found out before the game my son wouldn't play because I ask the coach sometimes who is starting so that family knows whether to travel to the games or not. I was a bit upset when he told me but I sent a polite text back to him saying it's fine, but to please let my son know why because he'll be very disappointed (due to his old team and back to back starts for the other goalie). I said I'd appreciate knowing the reason too so that I can reinforce the coach's message, because my son can be quite sensitive. But 24 hours later the coach hasn't texted me back.

After the game i find out that the coach didn't give my son a reason. He didn't even talk to him at all!!! He just told the other goalie that he's starting; didn't talk to my son at all. This made me fuming.

I feel like I'm being reasonable. Am I not?? Honestly I have never criticized any coaching decision to the coach or anyone else. I don't gossip at all. But now I'm upset because there's no communication on what is happening, to me or my son.

Someone tell me what I should do, or if I'm being totally unreasonable.

Guest wrote: ↑Sat Feb 03, 2024 1:00 pm We have a non parent coach. He's quite anti social with parents but seems good with the kids. It's a 2012 team and my son is a NRP goalie.

I'm a little upset lately. Pre season, the coach said my son would play against his old team from which he was cut. Yesterday he didn't play against them. It is was the other goalie's second straight start and 5th of the last 7. I'd say the two goalies are pretty comparable skill wise and they've been alternating all season for the most part. Although my son has played more because the other goalie had a few illnesses. So maybe that's why the other goalie is playing more lately?? I don't know.

I found out before the game my son wouldn't play because I ask the coach sometimes who is starting so that family knows whether to travel to the games or not. I was a bit upset when he told me but I sent a polite text back to him saying it's fine, but to please let my son know why because he'll be very disappointed (due to his old team and back to back starts for the other goalie). I said I'd appreciate knowing the reason too so that I can reinforce the coach's message, because my son can be quite sensitive. But 24 hours later the coach hasn't texted me back.

After the game i find out that the coach didn't give my son a reason. He didn't even talk to him at all!!! He just told the other goalie that he's starting; didn't talk to my son at all. This made me fuming.

I feel like I'm being reasonable. Am I not?? Honestly I have never criticized any coaching decision to the coach or anyone else. I don't gossip at all. But now I'm upset because there's no communication on what is happening, to me or my son.

Someone tell me what I should do, or if I'm being totally unreasonable.

I'm just going to be completely honest with.... this is not the forum to be asking this question..... bunch of crazy on this forum that will eat you alive. I'm a goalie parent as well on a new team this year and have just learned to roll with the punches.

Parent communication is probably one of the most consistent weaknesses of a minor sport coach (yes sport, not just hockey). Coming from an outside perspective from someone who was a non parent coach many moons ago and using what the limited information you have provided I can honestly say they probably forgot.

There are honestly a thousand things rattling around in a coaches head leading up to a game, long before even arriving at the arena. I would try my best to have a fairly consistent routine in hopes to not miss something but it will inevitably happen, and something like telling a goalie why they were not selected that's outside of the normal routine could be an honest mistake. I always felt bad for the goalie not playing and part of my routine was to chat with them and include them in other ways for that game, but every team and situation is unique.

As for the decision itself, again, honestly they probably forgot about the conversation to start your son against his old team (from months ago?!) and had probably already committed to the other goalie (for a reason we also don't know). What seems obvious and simple to a parent like starting your child against his old team can be quickly lost in a coaches mind. This can actually be harder for a non parent coach as they don't even have their own kid to remind them of little things like this, or the kids are less likely to mention it to the coach. The relationship between a player and a non parent coach is often much different from a parent coach.

Contact your coach, set aside time for a quick chat, perhaps following a practice (don't wait for them to approach you, again they honestly might forget) and just be honest about how you feel and explain what you observed from your Childs reaction (don't speak for your Childs feelings, include your child in the conversation if you want, being an NRP I assume they are at least 12 so probably should be in the conversation).

Worst case, he's a terrible coach and benches your son.. which sounds like what is already happening.. so.. kindda nothing to lose here IMHO, but being respectful in the conversation there shouldn't be an issue anyway.

[Fun story]
I have watched many coaches scream at refs and blow up and then the Refs elevate as well ruining that teams game. I used to talk with refs in a gentle manor, come off the high step on the bench down to their level and speak calmly things like "I didn't see the incident either (I 100% did), but I have a kid in the locker room with a broken helmet who doesn't know which direction up is right now. Perhaps we can remind the other coach to settle the game down a bit, or tighten up the calls?" Almost every time we would have a powerplay shortly afterwards and Refs would even apologize(!) to me after the game and check-in if our player was doing better. I recall one time the ref went talk to the other coach right after me and that coach EXPLODED for being blamed for something his kids didn't do and started screaming at me, and the refs, and quickly was kicked out along with a bench penalty. We came back from 5-1 to win 6-5 in the 3rd. Ahhh.. Memories...

[back on topic]
It's your child and your situation, but honestly the best approach is to assume good intent from the coach until you have proof otherwise or as less eloquently stated above, "roll with the punches."

Guest wrote: ↑Sat Feb 03, 2024 1:00 pm We have a non parent coach. He's quite anti social with parents but seems good with the kids. It's a 2012 team and my son is a NRP goalie.

I'm a little upset lately. Pre season, the coach said my son would play against his old team from which he was cut. Yesterday he didn't play against them. It is was the other goalie's second straight start and 5th of the last 7. I'd say the two goalies are pretty comparable skill wise and they've been alternating all season for the most part. Although my son has played more because the other goalie had a few illnesses. So maybe that's why the other goalie is playing more lately?? I don't know.

I found out before the game my son wouldn't play because I ask the coach sometimes who is starting so that family knows whether to travel to the games or not. I was a bit upset when he told me but I sent a polite text back to him saying it's fine, but to please let my son know why because he'll be very disappointed (due to his old team and back to back starts for the other goalie). I said I'd appreciate knowing the reason too so that I can reinforce the coach's message, because my son can be quite sensitive. But 24 hours later the coach hasn't texted me back.

After the game i find out that the coach didn't give my son a reason. He didn't even talk to him at all!!! He just told the other goalie that he's starting; didn't talk to my son at all. This made me fuming.

I feel like I'm being reasonable. Am I not?? Honestly I have never criticized any coaching decision to the coach or anyone else. I don't gossip at all. But now I'm upset because there's no communication on what is happening, to me or my son.

Someone tell me what I should do, or if I'm being totally unreasonable.

Perfect opportunity to teach your son about the importance of emotional grit and how to cope with adversity.

-"Prepare the child for the road, rather than the road for the child."-

Guest wrote: ↑Sat Feb 03, 2024 1:00 pm We have a non parent coach. He's quite anti social with parents but seems good with the kids. It's a 2012 team and my son is a NRP goalie.

I'm a little upset lately. Pre season, the coach said my son would play against his old team from which he was cut. Yesterday he didn't play against them. It is was the other goalie's second straight start and 5th of the last 7. I'd say the two goalies are pretty comparable skill wise and they've been alternating all season for the most part. Although my son has played more because the other goalie had a few illnesses. So maybe that's why the other goalie is playing more lately?? I don't know.

I found out before the game my son wouldn't play because I ask the coach sometimes who is starting so that family knows whether to travel to the games or not. I was a bit upset when he told me but I sent a polite text back to him saying it's fine, but to please let my son know why because he'll be very disappointed (due to his old team and back to back starts for the other goalie). I said I'd appreciate knowing the reason too so that I can reinforce the coach's message, because my son can be quite sensitive. But 24 hours later the coach hasn't texted me back.

After the game i find out that the coach didn't give my son a reason. He didn't even talk to him at all!!! He just told the other goalie that he's starting; didn't talk to my son at all. This made me fuming.

I feel like I'm being reasonable. Am I not?? Honestly I have never criticized any coaching decision to the coach or anyone else. I don't gossip at all. But now I'm upset because there's no communication on what is happening, to me or my son.

Someone tell me what I should do, or if I'm being totally unreasonable.

When this happened with my kid, I went to the top and got the coach & assistant coach fired and the team got relegated, but I’m a crazy Newfoundlander and take NO crap now the loser coach and his assistant are not in the Gthl and neither are their kids

Guest wrote: ↑Tue Feb 27, 2024 7:02 am

Guest wrote: ↑Sat Feb 03, 2024 1:00 pm We have a non parent coach. He's quite anti social with parents but seems good with the kids. It's a 2012 team and my son is a NRP goalie.

I'm a little upset lately. Pre season, the coach said my son would play against his old team from which he was cut. Yesterday he didn't play against them. It is was the other goalie's second straight start and 5th of the last 7. I'd say the two goalies are pretty comparable skill wise and they've been alternating all season for the most part. Although my son has played more because the other goalie had a few illnesses. So maybe that's why the other goalie is playing more lately?? I don't know.

I found out before the game my son wouldn't play because I ask the coach sometimes who is starting so that family knows whether to travel to the games or not. I was a bit upset when he told me but I sent a polite text back to him saying it's fine, but to please let my son know why because he'll be very disappointed (due to his old team and back to back starts for the other goalie). I said I'd appreciate knowing the reason too so that I can reinforce the coach's message, because my son can be quite sensitive. But 24 hours later the coach hasn't texted me back.

After the game i find out that the coach didn't give my son a reason. He didn't even talk to him at all!!! He just told the other goalie that he's starting; didn't talk to my son at all. This made me fuming.

I feel like I'm being reasonable. Am I not?? Honestly I have never criticized any coaching decision to the coach or anyone else. I don't gossip at all. But now I'm upset because there's no communication on what is happening, to me or my son.

Someone tell me what I should do, or if I'm being totally unreasonable.

When this happened with my kid, I went to the top and got the coach & assistant coach fired and the team got relegated, but I’m a crazy Newfoundlander and take NO crap now the loser coach and his assistant are not in the Gthl and neither are their kids

^*^lives fantasy land